Oh Yes I can

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Yesterday after work my boss and I made the 2 and 1/2 hour drive to see my fabulous Coach- Dr. Joe. It was the first time since early November that he and I have seen each other face to face. I think he was happy with my progress. I know I sure am.

The coach has added several new exercises that are even more of a challenge for me. At one point he was showing me one he wanted me to do and I looked at him like he was nuts, and so I CAN'T DO THAT... He said oh yes you can- and that moment I realized I was limiting myself... I CAN DO ANYTHING if I willing to try hard enough.... So did what he was showing me and it was hard but do able.. OH YES I CAN...

Later he showed me another exercise he wanted me to do and I was about to go NO I cant and stopped myself - and did it- and trust me trying to stand from a fully seated postion while holding a 35 lb kettlebell against my chest is FAR from easy but I did- OH YES I CAN.

I have always hated having my photo taken, and that has gotten alot worse in the last several years,but yesterday I asked for a photo to be taken with the Coach. I'm sharing it hear with you along with a photo taken 1 week into this fabulous journey. While I dont see that big a difference- everyone else does.

I am told by alot of folks that it takes a very long time for your own eyes and brain to catch up with whats happening to your body... I will trust my coach, friends and clothes and just believe it.

OH YES I CAN....

Gratitude

Gratitude
I hear so much in the Ladies locker room at the gym in the mornings.. Mostly complaints-
Here are some of the complaints I hear almost every morning:
Oh I hate to have to go to work
It’s too cold out
So and so called me at midnight last night to discuss her problems
My boss is a pain in the ass
My husband’s snoring kept me up all night
I hate working out
I have been thinking about this and have decided that instead of complaining I am going to be grateful and thankful for the wonderful things in my life

Grateful I have a job to go to everyday
Thankful that God gives us cold spring mornings to remind us that earth is going thru a re-birthing process.
Grateful that I have friends that respect my opinions enough to call me at midnight to talk.
Thankful I have a boss that adores and values my opinions enough to bug me all day long.
After more than a decade sleeping alone I would welcome the lullaby of my partners snoring next to me.
I am Thankful I still have the ability to work out, and move on my own accord.
I am also thankful for people like my boss, my friends, my coach and my brother and his family who are there to offer me support all along this journey.

Life is good lets all be thankful for it.

Who are you and what have you done with my Sister?

Let me begin this blog post by stating that I love and adore my Younger brother. He was my rock during the dark dark days after my husband's passing- it was his and his wonderful wife's love and support and the love and joy their two boys bring to my life that had me pull myself out of the very dark hole I fell into- in late December of 06 and Early 07.

That being said- he is still my younger brother and as younger brother often will - he is a pain in the butt....

This morning I was working out in the gym- doing the leg curl machine- Ipod blasting "We will rock you " in my ears. When I feel a hand touch my shoulder- I open my eyes and I am staring right into the face of one of my brothers buddies.... OH CRAP I HAVE BEEN BUSTED was my first thought.
( I had not told my brother about joining the gym)- I had a short conversation with the buddy and moved on..

Being the Girlie girl that I am - I came home- peeled the sweaty clothes off and hit the shower. As I am stepping out of the shower I become aware that the phone is ringing. I have an answering machine that announces who the call is from... I hear it say my brother's name...

So I dash into my bedroom and grab the phone... Here is how that conversation when... YB refers to my Younger brothers side of the conversation.

ME- Crap can't I even shower in peace?

YB- Who are you and what have you done with my sister?

ME- What are you babbling about?

YB- YOU- I hear you are working out at the gym

ME- Crap your buddies talk more then any women I know- we don't need the Internet with you 6 around...

YB- Yeah I know its part of the code.

ME- you know sometimes I hate that code

YB- Yeah I know but you like it when we are moving you, or watching out for you.

ME- Yeah Yeah Yeah- what do you want?

YB- What is this ? how long have you belonged to the gym?

ME- almost a month.

YB- Why?

ME- We talked about this at Christmas time, when you notice how baggy my clothes were, this was just the next logical step.

YB- Again I ask- who are you and what have you done with my sister?- You know my sister that HATES to get sweaty, my sister that doesn't like body odor, my sister the girlie girl.

ME- None of that has changed- thus the reason I was in the shower.

YB- All those years you picked on me and the guys for being muscle heads- now you are turning into one

ME- No I am not- I plan on retaining my brain- something you 6 didn't have to start with.

YB- What happened to I want feminine curves.

ME- I do want them- this is going to help me get them... I don't want a chest and guns like yours.

YB- I swear you have been replaced by an Alien life form...

ME- No I haven't I have just taken control of my life. Are we done- I'm dripping water all over my bedroom carpet and I am getting cold, can I go dry off and get dressed now- please?

YB- Yeah sure, oh hey Ter- I'm really proud of you for all the work you are doing to improve your health.

CLICK.

Now many of you don't know - my younger brother is a man of few words and this conversation is one of the longest phone conversations we have ever had.

Living the journey with joy....

Things I have discovered so far in this journey

This has been an amazing journey so far and yes I still have a long way to go. I have discovered so much even in these short time. In the last six months I have discovered:

Having a good coach makes all the difference in the world

Its COLD- even as we are about to start spring I AM COLD

The Snuggley is the best invention ever

Some protein bars are just NASTY

The body likes eating clean and will pay you back when you stray and eat crappy

ANY addition can be broken

I have to learn to trust my clothes and other eye site

Its very dark and very cold at 5AM

Fruit is wonderful

Veggies are good

Exercise is fun (yes I said that)

I can do anything I make up my mind to do.

I discover something new almost everyday. Isn't this journey great ?

What a difference 6 months makes

Today is my 6th month Anniversary of sorts. It was 6 months ago today that I decided to take control of my life and my weight.

What a journey so far.

I want to say I have the most amazing coach in the world- he is always right on the nose with is advice, he deals with my fears, with me being a spaz. He offers guidance and understanding and when I need it a good kick in the butt. He is a wonderful and amazing doctor, and I am so appreciative to have him on my side.

Things have changed alot in 6 months- here are some of the changes :

The pantry no longer contains pop tarts, chips a hoy, Frito's, or bags of Reese's peanut butter cups.
The fridge and freezer no longer contain frozen pizza, Ben and Jerry's or chocolate milk.
My desk drawer no longer holds baby Ruth bars, milky way bars or Snickers bars.
It no longer takes me an hour to make my king size bed.
I don't have to sit down immediately after a shower because the time it took to shower was too long for me to be standing.
I no longer fear the 15 steps up to my second floor office.
Most of my shirts will not stay up on my shoulders
All my slacks need belts to stay up on my hips
I now belong to a gym.
It no longer takes me 5 hours to clean my 900 sq foot apartment- because I have to sit down every 10 minutes.
I have been dating.
I can now play with my nephews .
There are no more automatic orders at restaurants I think about what the best choice is.

Sure I have a long way to go- but I'm enjoying the process of getting there.

I have been complaining for 2 weeks about how much my body hurt working out- this morning I woke up at 5 AM- and no very little body pain or aches, in fact the workout was fun and I felt great afterwards. I felt so good in fact that my boss asked me to "tone down" my bubbleness today..
Of course that request came as I was blasting Donny Osmond ( Ok I am 45 and he was my teenage idol) from the CD player in my office.

Life is good... the journey is only getting better.

Overcoming the demons that live in our head

We all have them- some worse then others.

I have talked before about the 1 Demon - this whole I am worthless conversation. My Coach has told me several times that God does not make worthless and God made us all. ( I don't mean to offend anyone's religious beliefs- this is what I believe) I'm working on believing that. God doesn't make trash, and only trash is worthless.

Well I have several other demons I need to handle as well.

The first of these is :
The I don't belong demon- I have often felt like I didn't belong in alot of places, and for sure- every time I walk into that Gym I automatically go to - I DO NOT BELONG IN THIS PLACE. It's nearly screaming at me, each morning I get up - get dressed and go to the gym and have to sit in the car for 20 minutes talking to myself - telling myself to get out of the car and go do my work out. Its hard but I am dealing with it.

Demon #2-
I AM GOING TO FAIL AT THIS.... I have the greatest coach in the world- he deals so well with me when I am spazzing out and boy was I SPAZZING out today. After each workout I am STARVED- I eat my fruit before I go to the gym and then when I finish my work out I am I am so hungry I could eat the car. I emailed my coach- that I could not be so hungry and so scared that eating will lead to weight gain.
He of course helped me work out an eating planning that works for the lifestyle. A lifestyle that involves an hour in the gym every morning.

Demon #3
My eyes- I can't see much of the weight loss- unless I look at my clothes, and my rings. I found a ring that my brother gave me for my 21st birthday- its a beautiful blue topaz ring which is my birthstone- I haven't been able to get it on my finger since I was 25, I can now wear it and its almost too loose. I need to get my brain in line with the body.

So far those are the Demons I have uncovered.

The journey has many bumps but its so worth it.

How can 1 body hurt this much

A week and 1/2 ago I joined a gym. Its 2 miles from home and 1/2 a mile from work. They open at 5 Am 6 mornings a week, and have a lovely aqua center. As part of my membership I get 3 one hour sessions with a personal trainer plus a 1 hour orientation session.

My orientation session went great- the guy showed me how to use all the machines and equipment. I did a few minutes on each machine and liked it.

I went a few times on my own and did a bike ride or walked on the treadmill, or swam. Then yesterday morning was my first session with the Personal trainer.... OH MY- in 1 hour he had me do soooooo much.

I had a date last night and mid way thru dinner my calves went into charlie horses. Very nice impression that must have made.

I woke up this morning very much in pain and almost unable to move- my muscles hurt, my joints are screaming. My right SI joint ( hip meets leg joint) feels like it is totally locked. My coach recommend a hot shower then a cold shower then hot shower, cold shower. I have been doing that its helping some.

Tomorrow morning I am getting up at 5 to be at the gym for 5:30 to workout again. I have my second session with the Personal Trainer on Tuesday morning.

I'm going on the soreness means I am alive- gee isn't it a great to be alive.

The journey takes us in different directions, enjoy it.

What is in a number?

Seriously, what do numbers really mean.. Ok I have a very dear friend- a frequent commenter to my blog that is a self proclaimed numbers guy. He and I have been friends since the 7th grade and he has been a numbers guy since I have known him, so I am sure he will read this and go "what is she talking about" .
Really what do numbers means?
Do the numbers on the scale really give a measure of who we are?
Do the numbers on the calendar really mean anything?
What does it mean when a doctor tells you that you have 18 months to live?

Tomorrow is my 45th birthday- what does that mean? Does it mean I am old? Does that mean my life is 1/2 over?

I don't know the answers to these questions but what I do know is that 45 and ever birthday here after are a cause to celebrate.

In 1993, after 11 months of tests and feeling miserable, I was diagnosed with bi-lateral functioning adrenal adnomias, which causes Cushing's disease. The doctors explained that I probably had about 18- 22 months to live. They also explained that most Cushing's patients usually take their own lives before they can get to the natural ending point. GREAT right?
For a while I believed them and lived like a person waiting to die.

I am truly blessed with some of the greatest friends in the world. I have people in my life that I have been friends with since Jr High, High School, and College, as well as the new ones that come into my life regularly.
One of these friends- saved my life.
At the same time I was being diagnosed he was enrolling in Life University to be a Chiropractor. On one of his breaks he came to visit me- and took me kicking and screaming to my first Chiropractic appointment.
That Chiropractor adjusted me 5 days a week for about 6 months.

My body started to move again- my Joints stopped feeling like they were full of concrete. There was HOPE.

Life then took a some twists and turns. My Mom learned she had cancer, my Dad had already had 2 heart attacks by that point. My Mom needed someone to help take care of her and Dad. Three weeks before my Mom died Dad had his 3rd heart attack on the deck of their house, breaking his femur in the process.
Once his heart was stable the Doctors did surgery to put a rod into that leg, and sent him to a Physical Therapy facility, Mom deteriorated and had to be put into the hospital- it was difficult having 2 parents in 2 hospitals at the same time. My brother and sister in law has 10 month old baby at the time, and I was the prioriry one taking care of both of my parents.
2Months after my Mom passed Dad had a 4th heart attack- unfortunately he was driving at the time- and had many many injuries - most serious was that he shattered that femur in 27 places. After 4 surgeries at Shock trauma he was moved back into a Physical Therapy Center where he spent 2 months learning to walk again.
Over the next 4 years he need 14 more surgeries to try and save that leg, eventually it had to be amputated.
Three years later his 5 th heart attack took him, he died in my arms in our living room.

Not a month later my husband who had been suffering for a number years with heart conditions and diabetes suffered a stroke at home, and then 5 more in the hospital and became bedridden, needed the care and attention an infant needs. I became his priory caregiver, handling all his needs.

All the while I handled all this with great chiropractic care and the knowledge that some how this was all part of Gods plan for me.

Having gone thur all this and survived I no longer fear that 2 grape sized tumors are going to take my life.

45 Isn't such a bad number.. In many ways I have a new lease on life- I am 80 pounds less then I was 6 months ago, I just joined a gym, I am eating health and moving around more.
I have a goal for my life:
I have 2 amazing nephews- they are 13 and 8, my goal is to see them both graduate from high school, and college, get married, and I want to hold their babies in my arms. ( Ok boys I know you both read my blog at times - there is absolutely NO RUSH on any of these things- I plan on being here a long long time. Enjoying your antics that drive your Dad crazy)

Those wonderful friends that I am blessed with have been helping me celebrate my life, encouraging my weight loss, and enjoying the ride with me.

45 its a number and what do numbers really mean?

Life is a journey- enjoy the ride.