What is a real vacation?

What is a real vacation?

I was asked this the other night in an email conversation with a friend. He was expressing how tired he was, and I asked when he had last been on a real vacation…. So Dr. Dave tonight’s blog is for you.

To fully understand the impact of learning this lesson – of a real vacation you need to understand a bit of my history. I will try to keep it brief.
In 1993 I was diagnosed with bi-lateral functioning adrenal adenomas- (tumors within my adrenal glands) because of the way they screw up my body’s hormone production I am always in “fight or flight” mode. Add to that – I am a Type A personality, Perfectionist, workaholic, who believed for a long time she was totally worthless and there for HAD to make myself totally indispensible to everyone… can you say STRESS MONSTER. (I still have all these tendency by the way) oh did I forget to mention totally addicted to caffeine as well…
In 1996 after months of being told she had the flu by her Doctors my Mom passed away from something called multiple myeloma. Three weeks before she passed away my Dad had his 3rd heart incident on the deck of the house and broke his left femur. He returned home from the hospital and the PT facility the morning before she passed away. Two months after her passing he had his 4th heart incident- unfortunately he was doing 70+ miles an hour on I-83 at the time. The Dodge ram pickup truck he was driving looked like a Volkswagen bug when my brother when to the tow yard that day. In the course of the accident Dad fracture his left femur in 27 places. Between July 1996 and January 2000 he had 19 surgeries in hope of saving that leg, finally in January of 2000 it had to be amputed. All the while I cared for him and made sure he had the assistance he needed with dressing, laundry, care of his medical needs, keeping house, driving, etc.
By September of 2000 my husband, Edward’s diabetes and heart conditions had worsened to the point that he needed to go out on permenate disability. In October of that year he ended up in the hospital for 16 days with an infection of the sack the heart sits in – this infection is called pericarditis, and was the beginning of his downward spiral.
In April of 2001 Edward developed gangrene in his groin and in the course of 3 weeks and 11 surgeries at shock trauma he lost everything in that area (ok all the males reading this –every man I have ever told this to had cringed – it’s ok) afterward Edward could not walk more than a few feet at a time and got around mostly in a wheel chair.
So I took care of both of these wonderful men and worked a full time job, the same one I have now.

In April of 2002 I earned a bonus my boss and I had set up, whereby I earned an all expense paid week long trip to where ever I wanted. This was my first real vacation of my life. With the help of an amazing travel agent I selected a resort in Tulum Mexico and off I went for a week… well ok I was there, but I had no clue how to relax or stop my brain for its constant spinning. I called home twice a day to check on my dad and husband, I called the office to check on things there, I spent a lot of time looking at my watch, pacing around and generally being in a state of agitation because I did not know what to do with myself, worrying about everything from what my Dad and Husband were having for dinner to how my boss was doing posting insurance checks at the office.
Then came 2003- WOW what a hell of a year that was. Once again I had earned the bonus of an all expense paid trip somewhere. But life was a mess that year. On January 31, 2003 at approximately 9pm my Dad died in my arms in our living room- after all he had been thru with that leg, a blood clot to his lung took him. I was ill prepared for the process the human body goes thru when it expires suddenly like that. The traumatic nature of his death still wakes me from a sound sleep at times. Less than 6 weeks later Edward had his first stroke in the bathroom of the same house we had been sharing with me Dad, since my Mom learned of her illness. The stroke caused him to arrest and by the time paramedics got there I had a faint pulse back. Over the course of the next 2 weeks he had 6 more strokes and arrested twice more. I obviously put my vacation on hold –
But by May he was in a more stable condition and needed to go into a Physical Therapy facility to have some work done to try and regain the use of his limbs if there were to be any possibility of that. He eventually came home totally bedridden. The doctors were telling me 12 to 16 weeks in the rehab center. I WAS A HUGE MESS! I was not sleeping; I was living on Pepsi, coffee and fast food… and was taking anti- anxiety medications like they were M & Ms.
The doctors, my brother and my boss convinced me that NOW was the time to go away- while Ed was being cared for. They all urged that if I did not relax and unwind soon – I was headed for a major break down, or worse. So I called my travel agent and within 2 weeks he had me on my way to Jamaica for the first time.
I left BWI on the last Tuesday morning in May that year, flew into Montego Bay airport, and then had a 90 minute ride to the resort in Ochio Rios. The only resort open on such short notice was a small resort – privately owned by an American Business man. Much to my surprise he personally greeted each guest as they arrived at the resort. He welcomed them to his home. Yeah I was too agitated to be impressed, before I would even let them check me into my room I had to call home and check on work and hubby. I got settled into my room and again have no clue what to do with myself- then I realize there is NO TV, radio, alarm clock, or phone in my room – well any of the rooms for that matter. There was an inter- resort communication system that allowed you to call the front desk, bar and restaurant from your room. So I called the front desk and was told that there was a TV in the lounge, newspaper delivery to the lobby daily and a phone at the front desk, that all these rooms had been designed to assist in the restful nature of the island.
Ok sure- NO clue what to do with myself- I paced the beach drinking 1 coke after another, taking 100 mg xanax every hour… and Still NOT relaxing or unwinding. At dinner that night I drank the equivalent of a whole bottle of white wine, still wound like a top.
Wednesday morning I was awake well before the sun- after all I wasn’t sleeping more than an hour or two due to the nightmares. When I went up to the restaurant at 5 Am for coffee the owner greeted me, and asked if anything was wrong, ( I was the only guest on this 70 room resort awake at that hour) I explained that my husband was ill and that I had just lost my dad, the owner knew all this as my travel agent had called him personally to make sure – that if anything happened while I was there- they could facilitate whatever needed to be done to get me back to the US as quick as possible. He offered his condolences and gently invited me to relax. Yeah ok…,.
Wednesday afternoon as I paced the beach again- aggitately looking at my watch every 6 seconds, the resort owner, approached me and invited me to come sit and enjoy a drink with him, he ordered both of us something named for the resort, this rum infused drink had fresh pineapple, coconut, and banana in it, all blended into a frozen smoothie… Eric the owner began to tell him how he came to own this amazing little piece of heaven. He shared how he had been a major player in a multi- billion dollar business, how is obsession for perfection had cost him his wife, his family and how a jammed kitchen garbage disposal had been the breaking point to this overly stressed life he lead. Then he did something that totally blow me away, he reached over and took the waist watch off my left arm, promising that I could have it back when I left. When I asked how was I to know what time it was he told me this- in Jamaica when your body tells you it’s hungry it’s time to eat, when you body tells you its thirsty its time to drink, when your body tells you it’s tired it’s time to sleep, and the rest of the time is to enjoy life.- Yeah Right….
We talked for a while, he asked if I trusted God, not just believed in God but trusted him. Of course I did, he then asked why I could not trust God to take care of Ed and the practice? WOW – I had not looked at it that way before. He then showed me a meditation method he used – that with each inhale of the soft Caribbean air into your lungs you bring in God’s peace and tranquility, with each exhale you let go to the wind your troubles and anxieties. I did this exercise with him for a while. Then he asked me to just close my eyes and just relax and breathe and listen to the sound of waves crashing on the beach.
The next thing I knew the sun was setting and I was being awakened by a gentle touch to my shoulder. When I opened my eyes I was embarrassed to discover I had dosed off while conversing with Eric, when I started to apologize he stopped me and reminded me that in Jamaica when the body is tired it is time to sleep, with a node of his head to the waiter High tea service arrived, we talked some more as we watched the Jamaican sunset, what an magnificent site that was- I had never seen anything so amazing in my life. Correction I finally allowed myself to experience that magnificent site. Eric gentle explained that I had been sleeping there in that lounge chair for nearly 4 hours at that point. As we sipped our tea and watched the sun set, he explained that life can be lived better when we take a break from it. I still rushed to the lobby to call and check on the office and hubby. Still needing a xanax to clam my nerves that night, but something was changing.
After dinner that night I sat on the beach listening to the sounds of the steel drum band play, Eric’s girlfriend- Alexis joined me- she shared with me that Eric while modest had left the “crazy life” behind in Connecticut , purchased the resort 10 yrs prior and had NEVER looked back. That she had been with him for 11 yrs and that there was just something amazing about him now that he no longer owned a suit or tie, worked all day in shorts, did not own a pair of shoes that were not sandals. She offered the advice that I just needed to give my responsibilities to someone else for a few days a year. Starting with God.
On Thursday of that week GOD spoke to me- well to all of us on that resort. A tropical storm hit that part of the island- it knocked out the power, phones, etc for 3 days. Somehow it didn’t matter. When I had no means to call home every few hours, and had given my responsibilities to someone else and to God- what was left for me to do… Relax, drink rum, and swim in the amazing Caribbean… , and somehow by Friday of that week I no longer needed the xanax. In fact I spent all of that Friday swimming in the pool, watching a cricket match (please don’t ask me what that hell cricket is – I still have no clue but it was cool to watch) and breathing in the magic of Jamaica.
In 2004, 2005, and 2007 when I went to Jamaica- while I stayed at different resorts, I have always given my responsibilities to someone else and God. So on December 26, after the anxiety of getting to Jamaica is over (while I love to fly- I really don’t like the way the pressure changes make my head feeling like its exploding during takeoff and landing) I will give each of my Responsibities to someone else- I trust that Mike and Alex will look after the office and the practice for Doc and I have trained them to the best of our abilities. I trust my friend Joe and his sister Cindy will take good care of Ariel and treat her as if she were their own. I trust God will look after my family and friends. I will not be taking either laptop with me; my cell phone will get left in the car at the airport. My only responsibility for 7 days will be to make sure I have enough sun screen on to NOT fry this “lily white skin” of mine. I will take fun and silly books to read, I will drink rum, I will dance on the beach, and I will have fun.
So Dr. Dave that is what a real vacation is. Time to rest and allow the brain to recharge.
Its amazing to discover how much better the brain works, thinks and reacts when it had time to NOT be in a constant state of spin. It doesn’t really matter where you do this either, it could just as easily be a cabin in the mountains, on the frozen slopes, or deep in the rain forest.

Those of you that know me well know that I am still very high stung, hyper and tend to be wound like a top all the time. Comes from being hyper responsible, extremely organized, type A, perfectionist that never thinks she does anything right, or has anything of value to offer people. Yeah I have gotten better about it, a lot better, but I still stress about things all the time. But there is something about that incredible, sensual, peaceful island that will allow me to relax within hours of my arrival there. The brain will turn off and I will not worry about all the things I am responsible for – well at least for 7 days. Then it will be back to my usually hyper high strung self.

As for the weight loss and exercise program well it kind of takes a vacation too…. Ok my fabulous and amazing coach, Dr Wood, reads the blog every week, he has comment at times publicly and sends me private response too. I email it directly to him as well, and to be honest I will be HIGHLY surprised if he tells me to do anything but go and enjoy myself. My new lifestyle is about living, moving and enjoying life, it’s not about numbers on a scale, in fact I have not stepped on a scale in more than a month, and might not for a long time. My clothes continue to get looser and looser, my moving around, while I still have knee pain and some back pain is so much easier then it was. In fact I wear a pink and white hoodie today, that when I ordered it 4 years ago was so tight I could not move my arms- today it’s too big. That’s what this lifestyle is all about. I do truly enjoy Jamaican Rum and what better place to indulge then in Jamaica. Jamaica also has the MOST AMAZING coffee- right from the Blue Mountains. So how can I go to Paradise and not enjoy two of my favorite things. Coffee and Rum- and yes sometimes I have them together. Sure once I am home I will do a detox or cleanse, but life is about living and having fun.

This journey is taking me to Jamaica soon…. Hope yours is taking you to spectacular places too.