Wishing I had a GPS for my life
Last summer, after a major disaster with Map Quest leaving me stranded in the middle of Fort Lee, NY, I gave in and purchased a GPS. I did not think I would like it at first but knowing my boss and I were going to be making trips to Downtown Philly, King of Prussia, and Jersey City within a few weeks of each other, I relented.
It only took using it once for me to really like it. It tells me everything I need to do- of course I bought one called “Navigation for Dummies”. This is exactly what I need- it’s simple and easy to understand. I find great comfort in hearing that robot sort of voice tell me I will need to make a left in 1. 2 miles.
The last few weeks I feel like I need a GPS for my life. I seem to have so many twists and turns – that I have no idea which way to turn.
I have been contemplating taking a course or two to become a health/life coach, but there are so many programs out there, many of them involving selling products like exercise equipment or supplements. Some of the programs involve “fire walks, or jumping from helicopters” also not my thing.
As I related last week- I have no clue anymore how to be anything but a workaholic, just this week I forged 2 new work relationships, that I am sure will proved to be good for the company, but have no clue how to form personal relationships.
Then there is this whole issue of my physical health. A trip to my PCP on Friday provided upsetting to say the least. The 3 bacteria have not cleared up; in fact they appear to be worse. She and I did have a long talk, about all the things going on – she agreed that I have good reason to feel depressed, but doesn’t think it’s true depression but rather from how depleted I am feeling physically. As she descripts it my body has been fighting Vietnam for the last 4 months and used every bit of its reserve, and is continuing to fight with resources it really doesn’t have. The game plan well at the moment she is re-culturing everything and has ordered a CT scan of my head and sinuses.
I’m just not sure what direction to take with my life and that is just not like me. I am sure my coach will tell me to spend some time being quiet and not thinking about it and in that quiet my innate will tell me. I just haven’t seem to be able to get myself there either.
No one ever said the journey would be easy.
Love and Laughter
Hoorah
Terry
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Do you have balance?
Do you have Balance?
I am not talking about the kind of balance where you can stand on 1 foot and not wobble over- although that is a very important thing to have.
I am also not talking about the hormonal/chemical balance – but that too is also very important.
I am talking about the kind of life balance. My boss’ late Uncle used to say that all work and not play made you dull, and all play and no work made you broke. How accurate this statement is.
I have been feeling very down all week- so I started doing some serious soul searching and have discovered I am very out of balance.
I work, I have work friends/acquaintances, and I have work activities and sometimes even work social events.
It wasn’t always this way- Years ago I was very active in the Jaycees, and different things in the community and even some things with the church.
But then I started taking care of My ill Parents, Mom passed away first , then Dad had a devastating injury related to his 4th heart attack, so I cared for him, all the while Edward’s health deteriorated . I was busy caring for the 3 people I loved most in the world. Their illnesses and injuries were debilitated to them, they really did not want others to see them, and so I became isolated with them. I worked and took care of them. Trust me this was like working 2 full time jobs or more.
Mom passed away in 1996, Dad in 2003, within 5 weeks Ed had a series of strokes, became totally bedridden. He needed so much care, that I could not even think about anything but work and his care.
In December of 2006 when he passed away I was devastated, depressed and left with NO clue what to do with my non working hours. So I starting bring stuff home from work to do. I invented new work projects for myself – like learning social media marketing, writing blogs and learning as much as I can about good headspace techniques. Yep I work and I do work things.
I have come to the conclusion that I am out of balance-I have mostly work and work stuff. And sadly I have no clue how to build new social relationships. I am too old for Jaycees, have gotten away from the church. I did join a local chapter of the Red Hat Society but – that didn’t work out- the ladies were all retired, and met on Tuesday afternoons once a month, which just became impossible for me- I have way too much to do at work to be leaving at noon for a luncheon, especially since every Tuesday I listen to a teletrainging call.
My physical being isn’t helping the state of depression either- 2 days this week I have been in bed with a fever and chills. The 3 bacterial infections have no cleared up, and I am still feeling lethargic and wiped out all the time.
We will not even discuss how much of a nightmare dating is…. It’s just not worth the time it would take to type it all out.
So tonight’s blog is asking- How do you build social relationships in you mid 40’s?
No matter where the Journey takes us- remember it’s worth the ride.
Love and Laughter
Horrah
Terry
I am not talking about the kind of balance where you can stand on 1 foot and not wobble over- although that is a very important thing to have.
I am also not talking about the hormonal/chemical balance – but that too is also very important.
I am talking about the kind of life balance. My boss’ late Uncle used to say that all work and not play made you dull, and all play and no work made you broke. How accurate this statement is.
I have been feeling very down all week- so I started doing some serious soul searching and have discovered I am very out of balance.
I work, I have work friends/acquaintances, and I have work activities and sometimes even work social events.
It wasn’t always this way- Years ago I was very active in the Jaycees, and different things in the community and even some things with the church.
But then I started taking care of My ill Parents, Mom passed away first , then Dad had a devastating injury related to his 4th heart attack, so I cared for him, all the while Edward’s health deteriorated . I was busy caring for the 3 people I loved most in the world. Their illnesses and injuries were debilitated to them, they really did not want others to see them, and so I became isolated with them. I worked and took care of them. Trust me this was like working 2 full time jobs or more.
Mom passed away in 1996, Dad in 2003, within 5 weeks Ed had a series of strokes, became totally bedridden. He needed so much care, that I could not even think about anything but work and his care.
In December of 2006 when he passed away I was devastated, depressed and left with NO clue what to do with my non working hours. So I starting bring stuff home from work to do. I invented new work projects for myself – like learning social media marketing, writing blogs and learning as much as I can about good headspace techniques. Yep I work and I do work things.
I have come to the conclusion that I am out of balance-I have mostly work and work stuff. And sadly I have no clue how to build new social relationships. I am too old for Jaycees, have gotten away from the church. I did join a local chapter of the Red Hat Society but – that didn’t work out- the ladies were all retired, and met on Tuesday afternoons once a month, which just became impossible for me- I have way too much to do at work to be leaving at noon for a luncheon, especially since every Tuesday I listen to a teletrainging call.
My physical being isn’t helping the state of depression either- 2 days this week I have been in bed with a fever and chills. The 3 bacterial infections have no cleared up, and I am still feeling lethargic and wiped out all the time.
We will not even discuss how much of a nightmare dating is…. It’s just not worth the time it would take to type it all out.
So tonight’s blog is asking- How do you build social relationships in you mid 40’s?
No matter where the Journey takes us- remember it’s worth the ride.
Love and Laughter
Horrah
Terry
Sunday, April 11, 2010
The Stories we tell ourselves about ourselves
The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves
We all make up stories about ourselves at a young age – these stories are usually not accurate.
These stories lead us to make all kinds of BAD statements to ourselves about ourselves.
Usually there is a predicating event when we are somewhere between 3 and 6 yrs of age that cause these stories to come into existence. In my case –when I was about 4 and ½ my brother ended up with an axe in his skull- I had nothing to do with it- wasn’t even aware he had come outside till I heard him scream. Due to questions and statements of my parents at that time I started telling myself I was WORTHLESS!
Being worthless meant it did not matter if I ate Pop Tarts and coca cola 3 times a day, or if I have a Burger King Bacon and Cheese biscuit and a piece of Hersey sundae pie with a 32 oz Cola for Breakfast, or a lot of other” bad for all of us” foods at any point in the day. To have this weigh loss journey actually work I had to tackle this head space issue. Tackle is a good word for it too.
I had to come up with a couple of daily affirmation to help with this- I say them every day, several times a day. But like anything this headspace/attitude adjustment is a work in progress.
There are things that make me go right back to I’m WORTHLESS… things like the guys I have been meeting lately and the string of horrible 1st dates I have had. Last night was 1 of those- after just 70 minutes with this guy while he had dessert I felt completely worthless and ready to just give it all up after all- Chocolate Donuts NEVER EVER made me feel worthless by the way they behaved in a restaurant.
I was depressed and upset last night- but I have learned that instead of having Chocolate donuts and and then beating myself up even more for being worthless and weak, that I just need to communicate to folks I know it’s safe to vent to- I did just that last night- I emailed a few Male friends- that confirmed for me that ALL MEN are in fact NOT A-holes, had a good night’s sleep. This morning I greeted with another Gift from GOD- another Day to be alive and live and learn.
Thank you to my special Guy friends that I know it’s safe to vent to after these horrible dates. I am not going to mention you by names as to not embarrass you- but you know who you are and I love you and love that I can vent to you and you all never take it personally and re-affirm for me that in fact there are still Gentlemen and nice guys in this world.
These stories will NEVER go away- I will be working at not listening to that little voice in my head that keeps telling me “You are worthless, you can do nothing right”, the rest of my life.
What stories are you telling yourself about yourself? Are these stories good for you or detrimental to you? Do you need help in changing these stories?
This Journey sometimes can be frustrating, but still worth taking.
Love and Laughter
Hoorah
Terry
We all make up stories about ourselves at a young age – these stories are usually not accurate.
These stories lead us to make all kinds of BAD statements to ourselves about ourselves.
Usually there is a predicating event when we are somewhere between 3 and 6 yrs of age that cause these stories to come into existence. In my case –when I was about 4 and ½ my brother ended up with an axe in his skull- I had nothing to do with it- wasn’t even aware he had come outside till I heard him scream. Due to questions and statements of my parents at that time I started telling myself I was WORTHLESS!
Being worthless meant it did not matter if I ate Pop Tarts and coca cola 3 times a day, or if I have a Burger King Bacon and Cheese biscuit and a piece of Hersey sundae pie with a 32 oz Cola for Breakfast, or a lot of other” bad for all of us” foods at any point in the day. To have this weigh loss journey actually work I had to tackle this head space issue. Tackle is a good word for it too.
I had to come up with a couple of daily affirmation to help with this- I say them every day, several times a day. But like anything this headspace/attitude adjustment is a work in progress.
There are things that make me go right back to I’m WORTHLESS… things like the guys I have been meeting lately and the string of horrible 1st dates I have had. Last night was 1 of those- after just 70 minutes with this guy while he had dessert I felt completely worthless and ready to just give it all up after all- Chocolate Donuts NEVER EVER made me feel worthless by the way they behaved in a restaurant.
I was depressed and upset last night- but I have learned that instead of having Chocolate donuts and and then beating myself up even more for being worthless and weak, that I just need to communicate to folks I know it’s safe to vent to- I did just that last night- I emailed a few Male friends- that confirmed for me that ALL MEN are in fact NOT A-holes, had a good night’s sleep. This morning I greeted with another Gift from GOD- another Day to be alive and live and learn.
Thank you to my special Guy friends that I know it’s safe to vent to after these horrible dates. I am not going to mention you by names as to not embarrass you- but you know who you are and I love you and love that I can vent to you and you all never take it personally and re-affirm for me that in fact there are still Gentlemen and nice guys in this world.
These stories will NEVER go away- I will be working at not listening to that little voice in my head that keeps telling me “You are worthless, you can do nothing right”, the rest of my life.
What stories are you telling yourself about yourself? Are these stories good for you or detrimental to you? Do you need help in changing these stories?
This Journey sometimes can be frustrating, but still worth taking.
Love and Laughter
Hoorah
Terry
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