Finally- a clue as to what is going on

For the last several weeks I have been very depressed and upset- as I have stated before. Crying all the time and not even wanting to get out of bed in the morning . THAT JUST ISN'T ME....

I mean I was back at work with in days of my Mom's, Dad's and Husband's funeral. I didn't go back to work then and sit there and cry. But I have been lately.

Last week I start experiencing back pain in a weird place for me. I have been working with my coach on stretches to stregthen my Pelvis and sacrum. They are working great. I can walk around a bit more without the horrible pain. So when this started in the middle of my lumbar spine I was concerned that perhaps I had done on of the stretches wrong.

I work for a Chiropractor so of course I had him check me out- and that spot was so tender that he literally could not touch me without my jumping.

So what does lumbar pain and crying have to do with each other- most folks would think NOTING.... But the can be symptoms of a larger problem.

Over the weekend I began experiencing some "female" issues I shouldn't be having. Yesterday - I called my GYN and he saw me right away. He did an exam and sonogram and discovered that my reproductive organs all look swollen and that there are cysts on both ovaries. He also ran a bunch of blood work.

He called me late morning with those results. The good news was that the blood test for ovarian cancer CA125 came back negative, and my liver and kidney funtions are good. The bad news is that my cortisol levels are very high, my testerone levels are nearly 3 times what they should be, my estrogen levels are less then 1/2 what they should be and my progestrone levels are less then a 1/3 of what they need to be.

The doctor sent me a RX for some hormone replacement medications, my coach has recommended several supplements, all of which I have started taking.

The doctor , coach and my boss all agree that with my body chemistry being so out of whack, it's no wonder I have been depressed. Now for the back pain. The nerves that run thru the lumbar spine in the area of my pain- are the nerves that link to the reproductive organs. DUH right.

So at least I know I am not losing my mind.

Fussing up and other fun stuff

Yesterday was a tough day, I was supposed to be going out to dinner with a group of friends to honor my late Mother's birthday, but for 1 reason or another everyone begged out. So I ended up spending the evening home alone. Not a big deal.

I decided to fix a piece of steak and same salad for dinner. While my steak was cooking in my forman grill- I decided to open one of the 3 bottles of wine in my fridge.

The 3 bottles are courtsey of my brother, they are from my favorite Maryland Vineyard- it's their newest release.

I had intended on having 1 glass, well 1 glass lead to a second and a second lead to a 3rd and before I knew it - I had finished the whole bottle. Did I mention these are restuarant size bottles?

Now I don't usually drink- Oh sure I majored in Alcholism my first seamster in College 26 yrs ago. It was a minor my second term, but after that I just stopped drinking. I have an occasional cocktail or glass of wine. But I'm guessing I have less then 3 drinks a year usually.

I have been feeling very sad, down and sometimes down right depressed the last few weeks. Yesterday was a very very bad day for me.

For the first time in my life I woke up with a hang over. I felt like crap when the cat woke me at 7 AM this morning. Thankfully, it was Sunday so once I got up and gave her food I could and DID go back to bed.

I have a call with my Weight loss coach later tonight- and yes I will fuss up to him too, about my drinking a whole bottle of wine.

Remembering

I'm a bit lost today in the memory of what today is. Today - October 25 would be my Mom's 68th Birthday. It's hard for me to think of my Mom being that age, my Mom passed away when she was 55 years old. She died from a rare blood born cancer called Multiple Mylomia. She passed on April 27,1996. The photo above was taken of my parents just 6 months before she passed away. The doctors say she was already had the cancer growing inside her when this photo was taken, and no one knew it.

My Mom was a great person, she loved people. She enbraced my brother's and my friends like they were part of her family. She was fun to be around, she loved to shop and if shopping had been an olympic sport she would have 800 gold medals for it.

I miss her. I have been sad and down for weeks thinking about her and my Dad who passed away in 2003, and my late husband who passed in 2006. Being a catholic I believe in heaven, I believe that when you pass from this life, you go on to one there. So do believe that somewhere in Heaven today My Mom, Dad, Edward ( my Husband) Edward's Mom and Grandmom, My Mom's parents and my parent's friends will be having a birthday Celebration to honor her. Here on earth some friends and I will be going out to dinner a bit later to celebrate it as well.

God Bless you Mom. You are loved by so many.....

Pink M & M's

Everything has turned Pink this month- and that in and of it's self is ok by me. I love PINK. My whole apartment is Pink, I have pink note pad and stuff on my desk. You could say its my signature color.

After work today I did some grocery shopping and had to go to walmart. Somehow seeing the many many displays of halloween candy don't seem to be bothering me. However, the bags and bags of PINK M&Ms are all calling my name. There are everywhere... everywhere the grocery store, the drug store, walamart, target, etc. everywhere I tell you. Plain and peanut- all calling for me to take them home.

Perhaps my best plan of action should be to refrain from shopping for a while.

An introduction

Hi,
My name is Terry. I am 44 years old, a widow, a cat owner, and Aunt, an Employee, and a friend to a number of folks.
I work full time as the Practice Manager for a FABULOUS Chiropractic Center , and I am blessed that I work for one of my best friends.

That and the fact that I am what is politely know as a BBW, about sum me up.

Let us discuss this term BBW a moment- it stands for Big Beautiful Women- a nice way of saying FAT.

There I said it. I am a fat women. Have been all my life, well at least as long as I can remember.

I have been on every diet you can think of - the banana diet, the bouimian diet, slim fast, the zone, Richard simmons deal a meal, a good friend gave me a book once called eat more weight less, phen- fen, and of protein shakes. They worked great for a while, but then the I gained it and then some back. Between 1995 and 96 I was on Phen - fen and lost nearly 90 pounds, even thru the death of my Mom I kept lossing weight, then they pulled it from the market for good reason. With in 4 months the weight was back on.

In 2005 I decided Gastric bypass surgery was the answer. I sought out a ASBS certified Doctor and jumped thru every hoop they had for me- including having a vena cave /greenfield filter installed. This is a filter that is put into the superior vena cava, by making a small cut in the femoral artiery and passing this filter to the superior vena cava, and then popped open like a flower. Its permanant. The Center then sent all my medical records, including 6 doctors statements that I need the surgery as a life saving measure, to my insurance company, who proptly DINED the surgery as not being medically necessary , because I work for small company that only has 3 employees on its medical policy.

Six weeks ago- while I was posting on a Chiropractic business board- one of the chiropractor on the forum volunteered his services as a weight loss and lifestyles coach. I accepted his offer and today I am down 23 pounds, and have lot more to go.

One of the first things we needed to work on was getting my Pelvis stable enough for me to work out. Being hit by a car at age 20 and blowing out my knee and pelvis in the process was not helpful to my body. Oh and as a side note- being OBESE saved my life that night. Had I weight 140lbs- the appropriate weight for someone my height, I would have died when that Buick hit me at 45 mph.

At the moment this whole thing seems like an impossible task.
Thanks to any of you that are reading this. More later
Terry